Saturday, June 12, 2004

My Daily Checklist Before I Go Out the Door

Car Keys: Check.
Purse: Check
Cellphone: Check
Nipples: Check

You think I'm crazy? Oh no, my friends. This is an example of just one more thing we women need to check before we head out the door. Are your nipples properly positioned?

My first encounter with skewed nipplage occurred during Tom's Triathlon Weekend. I was waiting from my Honey to cross the finish line and was idly checking out the crowd (you've never seen such a buff assemblage of people in your life. It's scary). So I was looking around, and happened to glance at a very pretty, very tall young woman standing and talking to a friend. She was dressed for warm weather, in a t-shirt and skirt. But something was … off. It took me a few seconds to figure it out. In a nutshell (or is that nipshell?), her nipples were … well … cross-eyed, for lack of a better description. Instead of two forward-aligned little beads atop larger bumps, they were distinctly inward leaning. Very much in need of a front-end alignment. "Poor girl," I thought to myself. "She has no idea." Here's how she looked. Pardon my less than Vogue-worthy fashion-sketching skills:

Fast-forward to the workweek following the triathlon. Me, in the ladies restroom. Hands washed, hair fussed with, shoulders back, standing tall, and … oh. I seemed to be having a bit of a nip-event, myself. In keeping with my positive outlook on life, my presentation was that of Cock-Eyed Optimist:

I suppose this phenomenon could take on political overtones. For instance, Democrats vs. Republicans:

This gal seems a little down today. Give her a smile and cheer her up, OK?

And just what kind of picture are you presenting when you step out into the world? Yup, something to think about.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

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